“The Bored Meeting”
We moved to quaint little
city called Vesrailles so I could take a job at a popular radio station
at the Lake of the Ozarks. We soon met the mayor (who we refer to as
"Mayor John") and discussed our previous work with animal shelters and
the Boy Scouts.
When the Versailles Dog-Catcher quit his job, Mayor John asked Crystal if she would put in her resume for the position. Crystal obliged, and was called in on the following Monday for an interview with Mayor John and Larry, who was the Chief of Police. They agreed that she seemed very qualified... all except for that part about how she didn't how to drive a stick-shift. (Larry said he would show Crystal "where there is this real big, empty parking lot where [she] can practice and not hit a thing.") Crystal was then advised to attend the city's Board of Aldermen meeting the next night, so they could ask her questions and vote on her appointment to the position. Larry added, "And don't mention that you can't drive a stick-shift, yet".
So, we attended the meeting... which appeared to be a social event and form of entertainment for many of the locals.
The Aldermen are all... ummm... unique individuals. There's Gene, who looked older than time, and had been the very first Fire Chief of Versailles. Next to him was Floyd, whose stiff, silver-white hair could probably stand still in a Missouri tornado. There were others, but they weren't a factor in this story.
The meeting started out like any showing of the Keystone Cops; with chaos and laughter. The first issue was the purchase of new radios for two police cars. Gene was curious about what happened to the radios that had been in the cars, at which point Larry explained that these were two new police cars. Gene was still confused, wondering aloud about why Versailles would need a total of five police cars. The crowd chuckled, and Gene eventually joined in the vote to allow for the purchase of the radios. Next, Larry asked for several new shotguns, pointing out that the police department's shotguns were 10-20 years old. Gene spoke up again, pointing out that his shotgun was 40 years old and worked just fine. The crowd laughed and everybody agreed to table the issue until another night.
It was now time for the Aldermen to decide whether or not they should hire Crystal, and Mayor John tried to hurry through the matter. "You have her resume, application, and other information before you... do I have a motion to hire Crystal Shaw as our new Animal Warden?"
No such luck.
There was a great debate over how much money they should pay Crystal. Then Floyd brought up that he thought the city could save money by getting the police to do the job, "since we now have nine officers and five police cars." Mayor John said they would hold off on the vote until they could think about it some more, and moved on to other business.
Finally, the Aldermen came back to the issue of hiring Crystal. After a bit of urging, they agreed that police officers should not be dog-catchers, and were ready to vote when Floyd asked if Crystal would be driving the city's truck home each night. It was explained that she would have to, since she would be on-call 24 hours. Floyd went on to state that he thought it was unfair that certain employees would be allowed this privilege, and asked that they hold off on voting until they could decide whether or not Crystal and Larry should be allowed to drive City vehicles home at night. Mayor John glumly asked for a 'second' on the motion. Gene re-focused his attention long enough to ask "What's the motion?" Laughter ensued and the Aldermen once again moved on to other business.
They made their way through several more issues, like a Model 'A' making it's way down a muddy wagon-trail. They were reading the proposed city budget when they came to the name of the former dog-catcher, and started spinning their wheels again. Finally, after great debate and confusion, it was motioned that Crystal would be paid $8.00 an hour, but before anyone could 'second' the motion, the secretary interrupted to point out that they could not vote to pay Crystal until they voted to hire Crystal.
Mayor John squealed "WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE MOTION TO HIRE THE POOR LADY?"
"I motion that we hire, uh, Crystal, uh.."
"SHAW!"
"...uh, Crystal Shaw as our new, uh, Animal Warden."
"DO WE HAVE A SECOND?"
"I'll second that."
"ALL IN FAVOR..."
"Aye." "Aye." "Aye." "umm... Aye."
"ANY COMMENTS?"
"I still don't think she should be drivin' the truck home..."
"SHE WILL LEAVE THE TRUCK HERE AT NIGHT UNTIL WE DECIDE OTHERWISE! (deep breath) Crystal... welcome to the City of Versailles, and thank you for being so patient."
They eventually voted on how much to pay her, but they never did mention when she would start working. But that didn't matter to us; Crystal had a job, and she could talk to Mayor John and Larry in the morning.
By the way, do you know the definition of a "camel"?
It's a horse that was designed at a board meeting.
© 1998 Douglas Shaw.When the Versailles Dog-Catcher quit his job, Mayor John asked Crystal if she would put in her resume for the position. Crystal obliged, and was called in on the following Monday for an interview with Mayor John and Larry, who was the Chief of Police. They agreed that she seemed very qualified... all except for that part about how she didn't how to drive a stick-shift. (Larry said he would show Crystal "where there is this real big, empty parking lot where [she] can practice and not hit a thing.") Crystal was then advised to attend the city's Board of Aldermen meeting the next night, so they could ask her questions and vote on her appointment to the position. Larry added, "And don't mention that you can't drive a stick-shift, yet".
So, we attended the meeting... which appeared to be a social event and form of entertainment for many of the locals.
The Aldermen are all... ummm... unique individuals. There's Gene, who looked older than time, and had been the very first Fire Chief of Versailles. Next to him was Floyd, whose stiff, silver-white hair could probably stand still in a Missouri tornado. There were others, but they weren't a factor in this story.
The meeting started out like any showing of the Keystone Cops; with chaos and laughter. The first issue was the purchase of new radios for two police cars. Gene was curious about what happened to the radios that had been in the cars, at which point Larry explained that these were two new police cars. Gene was still confused, wondering aloud about why Versailles would need a total of five police cars. The crowd chuckled, and Gene eventually joined in the vote to allow for the purchase of the radios. Next, Larry asked for several new shotguns, pointing out that the police department's shotguns were 10-20 years old. Gene spoke up again, pointing out that his shotgun was 40 years old and worked just fine. The crowd laughed and everybody agreed to table the issue until another night.
It was now time for the Aldermen to decide whether or not they should hire Crystal, and Mayor John tried to hurry through the matter. "You have her resume, application, and other information before you... do I have a motion to hire Crystal Shaw as our new Animal Warden?"
No such luck.
There was a great debate over how much money they should pay Crystal. Then Floyd brought up that he thought the city could save money by getting the police to do the job, "since we now have nine officers and five police cars." Mayor John said they would hold off on the vote until they could think about it some more, and moved on to other business.
Finally, the Aldermen came back to the issue of hiring Crystal. After a bit of urging, they agreed that police officers should not be dog-catchers, and were ready to vote when Floyd asked if Crystal would be driving the city's truck home each night. It was explained that she would have to, since she would be on-call 24 hours. Floyd went on to state that he thought it was unfair that certain employees would be allowed this privilege, and asked that they hold off on voting until they could decide whether or not Crystal and Larry should be allowed to drive City vehicles home at night. Mayor John glumly asked for a 'second' on the motion. Gene re-focused his attention long enough to ask "What's the motion?" Laughter ensued and the Aldermen once again moved on to other business.
They made their way through several more issues, like a Model 'A' making it's way down a muddy wagon-trail. They were reading the proposed city budget when they came to the name of the former dog-catcher, and started spinning their wheels again. Finally, after great debate and confusion, it was motioned that Crystal would be paid $8.00 an hour, but before anyone could 'second' the motion, the secretary interrupted to point out that they could not vote to pay Crystal until they voted to hire Crystal.
Mayor John squealed "WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE MOTION TO HIRE THE POOR LADY?"
"I motion that we hire, uh, Crystal, uh.."
"SHAW!"
"...uh, Crystal Shaw as our new, uh, Animal Warden."
"DO WE HAVE A SECOND?"
"I'll second that."
"ALL IN FAVOR..."
"Aye." "Aye." "Aye." "umm... Aye."
"ANY COMMENTS?"
"I still don't think she should be drivin' the truck home..."
"SHE WILL LEAVE THE TRUCK HERE AT NIGHT UNTIL WE DECIDE OTHERWISE! (deep breath) Crystal... welcome to the City of Versailles, and thank you for being so patient."
They eventually voted on how much to pay her, but they never did mention when she would start working. But that didn't matter to us; Crystal had a job, and she could talk to Mayor John and Larry in the morning.
By the way, do you know the definition of a "camel"?
It's a horse that was designed at a board meeting.
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