“If ... Dog ... Invasion”
Our new house came with one
of those complicated electronic security systems that has more sensors
and buttons than the average prison. I called the monitoring service to
change the name and phone number on the contract and to schedule some
service work on the system. They told me that they were deactivating
the security system, and would not reactivate it until after the
service work was performed.
In the meantime, we are entrusting our security to Jack, the dog. This may not be such a great idea since Jack's idea of protecting the property consists of hiding in the bushes and waiting to ambush grackles and starlings. And, yes, he does show great prejudice; he will not attack any other birds. Although I have never considered these birds to be a threat, Jack is convinced that they are evil. And I am convinced that he has the intelligence of a rock.
This morning I went outside to work on the back yard, and noticed that Jack did not run up and slam into my legs like a freight train plowing into a water tower. I wondered where he might be, but then I heard the jingle of his metal dog tags and decided that he was probably hiding in the shrubs again. As I worked around the yard I realized that the sound of his tags was coming from the wrong part of the yard, so I followed the noise. Much to my surprise, Jack was not in the yard; he was in the creek that is right outside of our fence. I can't figure out how Jack got out of the yard (although I suspect that he followed the starlings and grackles over the fence) and he never figured out how to get back in the yard... once again reaffirming the intelligence level of our canine companion.
After rescuing Jack and doing some yard work, I returned to the task of unpacking boxes and arranging furniture in a house that needs to be 10 feet longer to accommodate all of our furniture. This has become a chess game where I always seem to be one move ahead of being in Check. When Crystal arrived home from work, I was rearranging the bedroom, in hopes that we would be able to put our dressers (and clothes) in the bedroom and still have enough room to get out of the bed.
While moving one large dresser (again), I managed to hit the power supply for the security system, which was plugged into a wall outlet in a haphazard fashion. When I reattached the power supply, the alarm sounded for about 5 seconds and then shut off. Crystal and I agreed that, since it had shut itself off, and because the monitoring service had not been reactivated, we wouldn't worry about it. I went back to wrestling with the dresser, which finally slid into the perfect spot.
About 15 minutes later, a police car went past our house with lights flashing and siren wailing, and a fire truck's siren could be heard approaching the neighborhood. I figured that there was a fire at the apartment complex at the far end of the street, and kept wrestling with other pieces of furniture. Then Crystal yelled down the hallway, "Honey... there's a fire truck in the front yard, and the police car just turned around... I think you might need to talk to them!" I quickly went outside and told them that we did not have an emergency. They called on the radio to stop the ambulance and other units that were in route. I went inside and called the security monitoring service.
It turns out that the monitoring service had not been deactivated, and then the alarm system went berserk when I bumped the power supply. All of the door sensors, motion detectors, and smoke detectors went off, and all of the "panic" buttons for police, fire, and ambulance went off, as well. Now, if you are sitting in a room that monitors security systems and you see that many alarms go off at once, there can only be two explanations: 1) a major equipment malfunction, or 2) terrorists have fired smoke grenades into the house and are running past the motion detectors after breaking down all of our exterior doors and we are pressing every button on the security keypad. Choosing to err on the side of safety, the monitoring service opted for the second explanation and called out everybody... except maybe the military. (But then again, three National Guard helicopters did fly over our house tonight.)
While I was talking with the monitoring service, I asked why they hadn't called us. The young man on the phone said "We tried to call you, Mr. Donigan, but we couldn't reach anybody."
"My name is not Mr. Donigan. I called earlier to change the name."
He replied, "I'm sorry, sir. So what's your new name?"
Needless to say, the neighbors have a lot to talk about, and my series of strange-but-true stories can continue.
© 2001 Douglas Shaw.In the meantime, we are entrusting our security to Jack, the dog. This may not be such a great idea since Jack's idea of protecting the property consists of hiding in the bushes and waiting to ambush grackles and starlings. And, yes, he does show great prejudice; he will not attack any other birds. Although I have never considered these birds to be a threat, Jack is convinced that they are evil. And I am convinced that he has the intelligence of a rock.
This morning I went outside to work on the back yard, and noticed that Jack did not run up and slam into my legs like a freight train plowing into a water tower. I wondered where he might be, but then I heard the jingle of his metal dog tags and decided that he was probably hiding in the shrubs again. As I worked around the yard I realized that the sound of his tags was coming from the wrong part of the yard, so I followed the noise. Much to my surprise, Jack was not in the yard; he was in the creek that is right outside of our fence. I can't figure out how Jack got out of the yard (although I suspect that he followed the starlings and grackles over the fence) and he never figured out how to get back in the yard... once again reaffirming the intelligence level of our canine companion.
After rescuing Jack and doing some yard work, I returned to the task of unpacking boxes and arranging furniture in a house that needs to be 10 feet longer to accommodate all of our furniture. This has become a chess game where I always seem to be one move ahead of being in Check. When Crystal arrived home from work, I was rearranging the bedroom, in hopes that we would be able to put our dressers (and clothes) in the bedroom and still have enough room to get out of the bed.
While moving one large dresser (again), I managed to hit the power supply for the security system, which was plugged into a wall outlet in a haphazard fashion. When I reattached the power supply, the alarm sounded for about 5 seconds and then shut off. Crystal and I agreed that, since it had shut itself off, and because the monitoring service had not been reactivated, we wouldn't worry about it. I went back to wrestling with the dresser, which finally slid into the perfect spot.
About 15 minutes later, a police car went past our house with lights flashing and siren wailing, and a fire truck's siren could be heard approaching the neighborhood. I figured that there was a fire at the apartment complex at the far end of the street, and kept wrestling with other pieces of furniture. Then Crystal yelled down the hallway, "Honey... there's a fire truck in the front yard, and the police car just turned around... I think you might need to talk to them!" I quickly went outside and told them that we did not have an emergency. They called on the radio to stop the ambulance and other units that were in route. I went inside and called the security monitoring service.
It turns out that the monitoring service had not been deactivated, and then the alarm system went berserk when I bumped the power supply. All of the door sensors, motion detectors, and smoke detectors went off, and all of the "panic" buttons for police, fire, and ambulance went off, as well. Now, if you are sitting in a room that monitors security systems and you see that many alarms go off at once, there can only be two explanations: 1) a major equipment malfunction, or 2) terrorists have fired smoke grenades into the house and are running past the motion detectors after breaking down all of our exterior doors and we are pressing every button on the security keypad. Choosing to err on the side of safety, the monitoring service opted for the second explanation and called out everybody... except maybe the military. (But then again, three National Guard helicopters did fly over our house tonight.)
While I was talking with the monitoring service, I asked why they hadn't called us. The young man on the phone said "We tried to call you, Mr. Donigan, but we couldn't reach anybody."
"My name is not Mr. Donigan. I called earlier to change the name."
He replied, "I'm sorry, sir. So what's your new name?"
Needless to say, the neighbors have a lot to talk about, and my series of strange-but-true stories can continue.
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