“The Not-so-great Snow Storm of '03”
You may have heard that
Nashville has been spared from most of the brutal weather this winter.
It has gone north of us, south of us, and has even gone right over us
before dropping snow, ice, or rain on others. I guess that's why nobody
paid attention when all of the forecasters said that we would get snow
on Thursday; everybody expected it to go past us again. Besides, they
were predicting 2-4 inches, which
always means "flurries".
When I dropped Crystal off at the shelter (Thursday, at 7am) the clouds looked like we would get some snow, but it hadn't started snowing yet. I filled both fuel tanks on the truck, paid Texaco a small ransom, and drove to the office. I sat down at my desk, started working on a new program, and I didn't look up from my computer until 10:30. That's when I realised that it was really snowing.
To be honest, the only reason I took a break was because the Jack Daniel's Tailgate Party Bus was supposed to be parked in front of our high-rise office building at 10:30. Their marketing office is in the same building as our office, so we occasionally get free tours and samples of their products, including Jack Daniel's barbecue sauce and flavored coffee. We were looking forward to finding out what they would be cooking for lunch. But lunch never arrived because the snow got here first.
And it was REALLY snowing!
What the forecasters failed to tell us was that the first 3 inches of snow would fall in less than 2 hours. They also missed the mark; it was more like 4-8 inches, depending on how you measure snow. I have been told that just because the snow comes up to the 6 inch mark on a ruler, that doesn't mean that you have 6 inches of snow. (I wonder if I can use the same technique for measuring my taxes.)
The sight of all of this snow sent the majority of the population into a panic, and it quickly became impossible for anybody to get anywhere because everybody was trying to get somewhere at the same time. Even when there was enough room for cars and trucks to move, some fools simply sat there, spinning their tires in vain. I have yet to figure why it is that people push harder on the throttle after their tires start spinning, but this seems to be the Standard Operating Procedure in Nashville.
Another perplexing driving habit in Music City is the over-use of the brake pedal. When their vehicles start to slide sideways, they push the brake pedal as hard as they can, which causes the vehicle to spin out of control. When a long line of drivers do this at the same time, it looks like a macabre dance of the idiots. It also turns the snow into glazed ice, which causes more idiots to join the dance.
Eventually, the sliding idiots collide with the spinning fools, and they all walk around calling somebody with their cell phones.
A drive across town that usually takes 15-20 minutes now took over 3 hours. People who had been trying to get to work found themselves stuck for hours, only to give up, turn around, and spend several more hours trying to get home. One woman told a reporter that she had been stuck in traffic for 9 hours straight. (Wow! What a constitution!)
Meanwhile, the school bus drivers were having a terrible time because none of the buses are fitted with emergency tire-chain devices. They soon looked like rectangular, yellow whales, beached slopes everywhere. Some drivers, using some degree of reasoning, eventually wrestled their buses into other schools and told the kids that would have to find another way home... but most of them failed to report their whereabouts to their supervisors. In all, close to 40 buses were listed as "stuck", and over 60 buses were listed as "lost" because nobody knew where they were.
On I-40, a lot of drivers literally sat in one spot for hours. Many people abandoned their vehicles. However, one of those people did not abandoned his humor; before leaving his car, he made a huge snow man, which has since been featured on the local TV stations. Truck drivers are using it as a landmark, telling other truckers (on CB radios) how far they are past "the I-40 Snow Man." One radio station's traffic reporter has even been giving updates on the status of our frozen attraction. (He's doing fine, thank you.)
I finally picked up Crystal at 4pm. It had been a fairly smooth drive down West End Boulevard... probably because most people had left their offices before Noon in an attempt to "get home early." However, we came to a crawl after pulling on to Harding Road. It really was a nasty, icy mess, and was made even more dangerous by the fools and idiots who were still spinning and sliding. We had the foresight to grab a bunch of burgers at a fast-food joint, so we munched on them for the next hour as we inched forward.
As we made our way up Battery Lane we found that only one lane was open in numerous areas because people had abandoned their cars. Excuse me... did I say cars? There were 4x4 trucks, SUVs, Jeeps, and several Land Rovers. (How can you possibly hold your head up at the next social event after getting your Land Rover stuck on a paved road?) One yuppie had driven his Ford Escape partially off of the road, and when we arrived, he and another person were trying to push the mid-size SUV back on to the road... going uphill. Since we weren't going anywhere, I got out of our truck, looked over the situation, and asked the man if he had tried backing down the hill while turning the steering wheel to the left. He said he wasn't sure if it would work, but he eventually got in, cut the wheels real sharp, backed his vehicle down the hill a little... and back on to the pavement. (I really don't make this stuff up. Honest!)
Farther down the road, the oncoming traffic had been brought to a halt by a pretty, young Blonde and her Camaro. She slid into the back of one of the many abandoned cars (with a small portion of her bumper touching the other car) and couldn't back up the icy hill to go around. Since we were parked (again) I hopped out of the truck, walked around her car, and gave it a push from the side. Much to my surprise the Camaro slid sideways about a foot... and then down the hill. (OOOPS!) The young woman had her foot firmly planted on the brakes, and she was clinging to the steering wheel like a child clutching the handlebar of a roller coaster. If it had been a bright red sled, she probably would have enjoyed it, but it didn't look like she was having fun in her bright red car.
I got back in our truck and we trudged along, watching and wondering how such bedlam could be caused by a relatively intelligent species and half a foot of snow. Finally, around 6:30, we finished our "short" drive home.
The next morning we got up and headed to work again. Crystal had to feed the critters at the animal shelter, and I dutifully drove the truck for her. The roads were still icy, but there were very few cars so we had most of the road to ourselves. After the drudgery of the previous evening, going 15-25 mph seemed like a real thrill. And then a radio station's traffic reporter said it best; "...and if you think that you can drive to work just because you have an SUV, then you need to stay home today!"
The snow plows are finally cleaning up some of the streets, and I-40 doesn't look like a used car lot anymore. I don't know if the police are trying to restore order, or if they are just trying to make lots of money, but they are out everywhere sticking tickets to abandoned vehicles as they are being hauled away by Metro tow trucks.
So what happened to the Jack Daniel's Tailgate Party Bus?
"Well, it looks like were snowbound... in a bus full of booze, burgers, barbecue sauce, and coffee. I guess we'll just have to make the best of it!"
© 2003 Douglas Shaw.When I dropped Crystal off at the shelter (Thursday, at 7am) the clouds looked like we would get some snow, but it hadn't started snowing yet. I filled both fuel tanks on the truck, paid Texaco a small ransom, and drove to the office. I sat down at my desk, started working on a new program, and I didn't look up from my computer until 10:30. That's when I realised that it was really snowing.
To be honest, the only reason I took a break was because the Jack Daniel's Tailgate Party Bus was supposed to be parked in front of our high-rise office building at 10:30. Their marketing office is in the same building as our office, so we occasionally get free tours and samples of their products, including Jack Daniel's barbecue sauce and flavored coffee. We were looking forward to finding out what they would be cooking for lunch. But lunch never arrived because the snow got here first.
And it was REALLY snowing!
What the forecasters failed to tell us was that the first 3 inches of snow would fall in less than 2 hours. They also missed the mark; it was more like 4-8 inches, depending on how you measure snow. I have been told that just because the snow comes up to the 6 inch mark on a ruler, that doesn't mean that you have 6 inches of snow. (I wonder if I can use the same technique for measuring my taxes.)
The sight of all of this snow sent the majority of the population into a panic, and it quickly became impossible for anybody to get anywhere because everybody was trying to get somewhere at the same time. Even when there was enough room for cars and trucks to move, some fools simply sat there, spinning their tires in vain. I have yet to figure why it is that people push harder on the throttle after their tires start spinning, but this seems to be the Standard Operating Procedure in Nashville.
Another perplexing driving habit in Music City is the over-use of the brake pedal. When their vehicles start to slide sideways, they push the brake pedal as hard as they can, which causes the vehicle to spin out of control. When a long line of drivers do this at the same time, it looks like a macabre dance of the idiots. It also turns the snow into glazed ice, which causes more idiots to join the dance.
Eventually, the sliding idiots collide with the spinning fools, and they all walk around calling somebody with their cell phones.
A drive across town that usually takes 15-20 minutes now took over 3 hours. People who had been trying to get to work found themselves stuck for hours, only to give up, turn around, and spend several more hours trying to get home. One woman told a reporter that she had been stuck in traffic for 9 hours straight. (Wow! What a constitution!)
Meanwhile, the school bus drivers were having a terrible time because none of the buses are fitted with emergency tire-chain devices. They soon looked like rectangular, yellow whales, beached slopes everywhere. Some drivers, using some degree of reasoning, eventually wrestled their buses into other schools and told the kids that would have to find another way home... but most of them failed to report their whereabouts to their supervisors. In all, close to 40 buses were listed as "stuck", and over 60 buses were listed as "lost" because nobody knew where they were.
On I-40, a lot of drivers literally sat in one spot for hours. Many people abandoned their vehicles. However, one of those people did not abandoned his humor; before leaving his car, he made a huge snow man, which has since been featured on the local TV stations. Truck drivers are using it as a landmark, telling other truckers (on CB radios) how far they are past "the I-40 Snow Man." One radio station's traffic reporter has even been giving updates on the status of our frozen attraction. (He's doing fine, thank you.)
I finally picked up Crystal at 4pm. It had been a fairly smooth drive down West End Boulevard... probably because most people had left their offices before Noon in an attempt to "get home early." However, we came to a crawl after pulling on to Harding Road. It really was a nasty, icy mess, and was made even more dangerous by the fools and idiots who were still spinning and sliding. We had the foresight to grab a bunch of burgers at a fast-food joint, so we munched on them for the next hour as we inched forward.
As we made our way up Battery Lane we found that only one lane was open in numerous areas because people had abandoned their cars. Excuse me... did I say cars? There were 4x4 trucks, SUVs, Jeeps, and several Land Rovers. (How can you possibly hold your head up at the next social event after getting your Land Rover stuck on a paved road?) One yuppie had driven his Ford Escape partially off of the road, and when we arrived, he and another person were trying to push the mid-size SUV back on to the road... going uphill. Since we weren't going anywhere, I got out of our truck, looked over the situation, and asked the man if he had tried backing down the hill while turning the steering wheel to the left. He said he wasn't sure if it would work, but he eventually got in, cut the wheels real sharp, backed his vehicle down the hill a little... and back on to the pavement. (I really don't make this stuff up. Honest!)
Farther down the road, the oncoming traffic had been brought to a halt by a pretty, young Blonde and her Camaro. She slid into the back of one of the many abandoned cars (with a small portion of her bumper touching the other car) and couldn't back up the icy hill to go around. Since we were parked (again) I hopped out of the truck, walked around her car, and gave it a push from the side. Much to my surprise the Camaro slid sideways about a foot... and then down the hill. (OOOPS!) The young woman had her foot firmly planted on the brakes, and she was clinging to the steering wheel like a child clutching the handlebar of a roller coaster. If it had been a bright red sled, she probably would have enjoyed it, but it didn't look like she was having fun in her bright red car.
I got back in our truck and we trudged along, watching and wondering how such bedlam could be caused by a relatively intelligent species and half a foot of snow. Finally, around 6:30, we finished our "short" drive home.
The next morning we got up and headed to work again. Crystal had to feed the critters at the animal shelter, and I dutifully drove the truck for her. The roads were still icy, but there were very few cars so we had most of the road to ourselves. After the drudgery of the previous evening, going 15-25 mph seemed like a real thrill. And then a radio station's traffic reporter said it best; "...and if you think that you can drive to work just because you have an SUV, then you need to stay home today!"
The snow plows are finally cleaning up some of the streets, and I-40 doesn't look like a used car lot anymore. I don't know if the police are trying to restore order, or if they are just trying to make lots of money, but they are out everywhere sticking tickets to abandoned vehicles as they are being hauled away by Metro tow trucks.
So what happened to the Jack Daniel's Tailgate Party Bus?
"Well, it looks like were snowbound... in a bus full of booze, burgers, barbecue sauce, and coffee. I guess we'll just have to make the best of it!"
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